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Anonim
One of Recruitment Agencies invited 3 potential emploees for an interview. They were foreigners: German, French and Hindu. They asked them to create the sentence with words: green, pink and yellow, just to test their English. That's what
German guy said:
- When I wake up I see yellow sun, green grass and I think to myself that will be wonderful, pink day.
The french guy said:
- When I wake up I put my green pants, yellow socks and pink shirt.
And the Hindu as the last one:
- When come back home I hear the telephone green green, so I pink up the phone and say: Yellow! -
Anonim
Starring:
George - George W. Bush, President of the United States Condi - Condoleezza
Rice, National Security AdviserScene: Oval Office
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East? -
Mariko
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Anonim
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Mariko
XD No way :D But Bush seems to be so stupid, that it could happen in fact:PPP -
Anonim
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Mariko
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Marry
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at the
Italian border. The Italian Customs agent stops them
and tells them:
"It's illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro."
"What do you mean it's illegal? "asked the
Englishmen.
"Quattro means four " replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile, "the
Englishmen retort disbelievingly. "Look at the papers:
this car is designed to carry 5 persons. "
"You can't pull that one on me," replies the Italian
customs agent. "Quattro means four. You have five
people in your car and you are therefore breaking the
law ".
The Englishmen replies angrily, " You idiot! Call your
supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more
intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian official, " he can't
come. He's busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno. "
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Anonim
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Lord Paradox
C'mon, let the man holding the world's number one job be...
Here's a short one:
A termite walks into a bar and inquires: 'I say, is the bar tender here?' -
Marry
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Marry
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
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Marry
An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by and asks him why he's crying. The old man says, "I'm retired and I have lots of money, a huge luxury apartment, a beautiful 25 year old wife who loves me and has sex with me twice a day"
The young man says, "Well then why the hell are you crying!?"
The old man replies, "I can't remember where I live!"
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Marry
Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted.
Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!"
His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible."
Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?"
Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!"
Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!"
Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."
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Marry
A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.
The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?"
And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"
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Greenie
Here are some of my favourites... Don't know if they're funny for you...
There are three dogs, a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog all sat in a bar having a quiet drink when a great-looking female Collie strolls in. She comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence can have their way with me." Quickly, the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She laughs and says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
***
How do you make a cat go 'Woof'?
Cover it in petrol and throw it on the fire! "WOOF"
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How do you get a dog to go 'meow'?
Freeze it and then cut it with a jigsaw
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco?
Because he had no body to dance with.
***
What did Bruce Willis find on the top of Mt. Everest?
Icey dead people.
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plejada
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Greenie
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Mariko
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Anonim
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